Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
