Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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