why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
