Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't put those talents on a resume
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
