help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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