We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
