I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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