apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
