every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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