Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
