WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
