i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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