I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Boobs are out for the taking
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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