I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
