Are we in a gay sports bar?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
