Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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