Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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