He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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