I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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