I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
