I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
