Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sober January is a disaster.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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