you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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