I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
