i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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