The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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