singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
