When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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