You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
