I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone signed my nipple.
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