Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
