we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
