I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This baby is an asshole
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
