i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
