I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
