Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
