Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the day after is always just damage control
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
God, I missed his penis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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