I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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