I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you win again, gameday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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