I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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