So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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