I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
