Duck Duck Cougar?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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