my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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