I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
