He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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