Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
