I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
