I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
