If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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